Dear Silver Nissan Altima,
I'm sorry for nearly driving into you this morning. You must understand where I was coming from. Sure, it was cold and raining causing people to worry about the roads, but seriously, this guy was going 50 in a 65 mph zone. So I did what you would have done. I switched lanes.
Only you, Silver Nissan Altima, didn't have your lights on. Never mind that it was raining torrents, that my side mirror was all water droplet-y, or even that I was passing on the right instead of the left. You didn't have your lights on. And you, Silver Nissan Altima, blend in oh so well to the wet ground when you don't have your lights on.
Oh, I heard your first honk muffled by the pitter patter of rain. And your second honk. But there was nothing I could do that would change your disposition at that point, could I? So I just kept going. Besides, changing back into my other lane would have caused me to hit the very white van I was passing.
So, Silver Nissan Altima, I am very very sorry for ruining your commute. It ruined mine too. I know if our positions were switched, I would've tailgated you for a long time. You took a higher road and did not, so thank you.
-----------------------------------
Dear balding middle aged man in a hurry for nowhere,
If I see you again, I will run you off the road.
Next time you cut me in line for gas, I will just rear end your car and push you out of the way. In the end it didn't matter, I suppose, because by the time we finished and paid (and you quickly sped off into a red light), I was right behind you. Really really right behind you. Sorry I stopped so suddenly behind you, but you must realize you had committed an unspoken travesty of car operation.
Oh, and that little move after making that right turn at the light into the middle lane, then going back into the right lane, then back into the middle lane to pass a car, then back into the right lane to get onto the Parkway*--that was so sweet in your '97 Corolla. Equally as sweet as when you crossed 4 lanes of traffic after getting on to the parkway to a top speed of 90 mph, only to slow down enough 3 miles down that I could catch up with you.
*Seriously, the path which this car took:
/* NEVER MIND. Satellite images from the "Big Three" aren't updated. Which is kind of funny, because that means they are at least 6 months old, since I never saw the construction before. */
-----------------------------------
Dear convention of Crazy Fast drivers,
You go have your convention to drive really fast in the rain!
-----------------------------------
Dear cops that keep pulling people over at exit 148 on the Parkway,
It's getting old. And causes an inexplicable amount of traffic because people slow down when they see bright shiny lights. I think it has to do with our country's ADHD epidemic. Please stop.
-----------------------------------
Sincerely,
Jen
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
My biggest driving pet peeve
First off, I hope everyone (and by everyone, I mean everyone that matters, ie: the USA) had a nice break for Thanksgiving. There was nothing to confess last Thursday because I simply refused to drive that day. =]
Now for more angry subjects.
I have driving pet peeves. Little things like slowly encroaching into another lane, people that leave their blinkers on, and slow accelerators really get to me.
But the worst by far is the smoker in front of you while in traffic.
The following is an excerpt I meant to post a while ago but didn't have a chance to until today.
"I never realized what my biggest driving pet peeve was until today. I suppose it's fairly impressive that I hadn't figured it out, but I probably could have done okay in life not knowing that this was my biggest irritant while driving.
As I sat somewhere between miles 150 and 140 on the Parkway waiting for traffic to move faster in the AWESOME RAIN (I LOVE RAIN and I LOVE TRAFFIC. I'm Lover, not a hater, yo.), I smelled something a little off. Now, I was going to save the "funny smells" entry for some other time, but I think I can make this one exception.
I smelled it again. It was a little like cigarette smoke. But alas, how would I be smelling this smoke in my own car with the windows down and while moving at a grand ol' speed of 2 miles an hour? Oh, but then a third stronger and longer whiff. This was definitely cigarette smoke. Where was it coming from, how could I avoid it, and most importantly, how could I rid my car from this smell?
Down a turn traffic goes, and out drops a cigarette from the car in front of me. Bitch! How dare you smoke in your own car in front of me!"
This was a little over a month ago. I only bring it up now because today, the person I encountered not only was a smoker, but was also a slow accelerator/big car gap person (as in, his myopic vision somehow leads him to believe that he should stop 4 car lengths behind the next car).
People: If this is you, my desire to ram my car into your fender to knock your cigarette onto the floor of your car increases on a logarithmic scale dependent on how slowly you accelerate.
Here are two graphs, depending on how logarithmically inclined you are:
Enjoy!
Now for more angry subjects.
I have driving pet peeves. Little things like slowly encroaching into another lane, people that leave their blinkers on, and slow accelerators really get to me.
But the worst by far is the smoker in front of you while in traffic.
The following is an excerpt I meant to post a while ago but didn't have a chance to until today.
"I never realized what my biggest driving pet peeve was until today. I suppose it's fairly impressive that I hadn't figured it out, but I probably could have done okay in life not knowing that this was my biggest irritant while driving.
As I sat somewhere between miles 150 and 140 on the Parkway waiting for traffic to move faster in the AWESOME RAIN (I LOVE RAIN and I LOVE TRAFFIC. I'm Lover, not a hater, yo.), I smelled something a little off. Now, I was going to save the "funny smells" entry for some other time, but I think I can make this one exception.
I smelled it again. It was a little like cigarette smoke. But alas, how would I be smelling this smoke in my own car with the windows down and while moving at a grand ol' speed of 2 miles an hour? Oh, but then a third stronger and longer whiff. This was definitely cigarette smoke. Where was it coming from, how could I avoid it, and most importantly, how could I rid my car from this smell?
Down a turn traffic goes, and out drops a cigarette from the car in front of me. Bitch! How dare you smoke in your own car in front of me!"
This was a little over a month ago. I only bring it up now because today, the person I encountered not only was a smoker, but was also a slow accelerator/big car gap person (as in, his myopic vision somehow leads him to believe that he should stop 4 car lengths behind the next car).
People: If this is you, my desire to ram my car into your fender to knock your cigarette onto the floor of your car increases on a logarithmic scale dependent on how slowly you accelerate.
Here are two graphs, depending on how logarithmically inclined you are:
Enjoy!
Friday, November 20, 2009
The awkward police encounter
Let me preface: No, I did not get a ticket.
Now that I don't have a juicy story to tell, I will go on to explain what the "awkward police encounter" is exactly. I'm sure you've experienced it before. I don't know what it was about it this week, but out of the 3 police encounters I had this week, 1 1/2 was awkward.
So first, what am I classifying as a "police encounter?" For this case, I will say "police encounters" include police cars driving on the road around you. This may or may not include cops that were momentarily stationary or will soon be stationary. However, this does not include an officer who has already decided on who they want to flag down/with another car with their blinky lights.
What makes a police encounter awkward? Well. Mostly the fact that they're driving and not still on the side of the road waiting for an idiot to speed past all the other cars that are braking "for some reason." But again, police cars to need to be driven first to get to these hiding places, so obviously they will be on the road. In most cases, cops are going much faster than the flow of traffic that has seen the cop and is scared to go anywhere near speed limit.
This is what happened first this week. I was in the left lane stuck in traffic after the Essex tolls. Suddenly I hear a siren bleep out at me out of nowhere, so I moved over to the middle lane so the cop that really didn't need to be anywhere could shuffle through traffic. "Asshat" was the first word that came to mind, but this is fairly standard fare.
But then there are those special cases. When the cop is driving in front of you. Or worse yet, when a cop is driving to the left of you. This is awkward. Do you slow down and go behind them? Do you speed up and go in front of them? Do you speed up but then wait for another car to go in front of the cop so you're not the car right in front of the cop? These decisions need to be made in the rare case that you see a police officer driving down the road at or below the speed limit. And I don't just mean when you're stuck in traffic.
To be really honest, I think that cop that I saw yesterday was causing more traffic by being in the middle lane than by moving people over while in the left lane. For a while, I was driving two cars behind him, but seriously, he wasn't going faster than 55. So I moved into the left lane and started to pass--which of course is the exact same time that he decided he didn't want to drive 55 mph anymore and bumped it up to a mild 60. Awesome. And awkward.
Today's encounter was a little bit different. I was further down on the Parkway later in the day, so there was less traffic on the road. While traveling at my cool 75 mph, I notice a dark car merging onto the highway. It could have easily been mistaken for a livery cab, but I knew deep in my gut it was an undercover cop. Boy was I right as it sped past me on my right, not caring that I was going 20 mph over the speed limit while looking like it was transmitting its own radio station from the back of the car.
The best part was that I knew exactly where he was going to go scope out cars. By the time I reached his spot, he had just pulled back to face us. Did I slow down? Well yes, but not to 55, and only because I probably would have crashed into the car in front of me otherwise. But seriously, he just spent all that work weaving around traffic to get to his place. I don't think he's going to come after me if he already knew I had been driving faster than that.
Anyone else feel like they've been stalked by cops this past week?
Now that I don't have a juicy story to tell, I will go on to explain what the "awkward police encounter" is exactly. I'm sure you've experienced it before. I don't know what it was about it this week, but out of the 3 police encounters I had this week, 1 1/2 was awkward.
So first, what am I classifying as a "police encounter?" For this case, I will say "police encounters" include police cars driving on the road around you. This may or may not include cops that were momentarily stationary or will soon be stationary. However, this does not include an officer who has already decided on who they want to flag down/with another car with their blinky lights.
What makes a police encounter awkward? Well. Mostly the fact that they're driving and not still on the side of the road waiting for an idiot to speed past all the other cars that are braking "for some reason." But again, police cars to need to be driven first to get to these hiding places, so obviously they will be on the road. In most cases, cops are going much faster than the flow of traffic that has seen the cop and is scared to go anywhere near speed limit.
This is what happened first this week. I was in the left lane stuck in traffic after the Essex tolls. Suddenly I hear a siren bleep out at me out of nowhere, so I moved over to the middle lane so the cop that really didn't need to be anywhere could shuffle through traffic. "Asshat" was the first word that came to mind, but this is fairly standard fare.
But then there are those special cases. When the cop is driving in front of you. Or worse yet, when a cop is driving to the left of you. This is awkward. Do you slow down and go behind them? Do you speed up and go in front of them? Do you speed up but then wait for another car to go in front of the cop so you're not the car right in front of the cop? These decisions need to be made in the rare case that you see a police officer driving down the road at or below the speed limit. And I don't just mean when you're stuck in traffic.
To be really honest, I think that cop that I saw yesterday was causing more traffic by being in the middle lane than by moving people over while in the left lane. For a while, I was driving two cars behind him, but seriously, he wasn't going faster than 55. So I moved into the left lane and started to pass--which of course is the exact same time that he decided he didn't want to drive 55 mph anymore and bumped it up to a mild 60. Awesome. And awkward.
Today's encounter was a little bit different. I was further down on the Parkway later in the day, so there was less traffic on the road. While traveling at my cool 75 mph, I notice a dark car merging onto the highway. It could have easily been mistaken for a livery cab, but I knew deep in my gut it was an undercover cop. Boy was I right as it sped past me on my right, not caring that I was going 20 mph over the speed limit while looking like it was transmitting its own radio station from the back of the car.
The best part was that I knew exactly where he was going to go scope out cars. By the time I reached his spot, he had just pulled back to face us. Did I slow down? Well yes, but not to 55, and only because I probably would have crashed into the car in front of me otherwise. But seriously, he just spent all that work weaving around traffic to get to his place. I don't think he's going to come after me if he already knew I had been driving faster than that.
Anyone else feel like they've been stalked by cops this past week?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Catagorizing the driving lanes
So today, I'm going to try to simplify my assumptions on drivers in the various highway lanes. I really wanted terribly to use this picture, but unfortunately today, I won't be designating lanes by douchebaggery. I'll save that for another day.
No. Today, I will be designating generalizations of how people drive on the highway. It's actually fairly straightforward in theory.
In general, the rule is "Stay Right, Pass Left." This means faster traffic is supposedly in the left lane and slower in the right lanes, but this is difficult in high-traffic/high-speed situations, and traffic adjusts to compensate.
In 2-4 lane highways, this rule actually holds true (for the most part).
For a five lane-highway that is in full traffic use, things start to change. Let us say that fastest traffic travels in the left lane designated as "lane 1." This lane usually travels at 15 mph over the speed limit. The next lane over (lane 2) travels at 10 mph over the speed limit, which works with our "rule." The lane furthest right (lane 5) contains merging and exiting traffic, and as expected, they are going the speed limit or slower (boo-hiss). Lane 4 contains people trying to escape/enter lane 5 and so they are traveling somewhere around the speed limit if not 5 mph above.
The middle lane however contains a mix of traffic. Usually people stuck in the 2nd lane but cannot switch over the left lane become frustrated and start using the middle lane if there is open road. In a similar manner, people in lane 4 that think going 5 mph over the speed limit is not fast enough for the road warrior ways move over to the 3rd lane to speed ahead. The result is that the 3rd lane becomes another passing lane, containing high speed traffic. Unfortunately, this speedy little getaway is also normally broken up by a driver who is under the impression that they are perfectly fine driving in that middle lane slower than the traffic to the left but without any regard to how traffic flows to the right of them.
Note, this alternating fast-slow-fast-slow may also cause drivers to be extremely fast in the 5th lane (as a stupid-fast driver might).
And now that I've cleared all that up, I will confess: that's all BS.
I hope this isn't just me that does this, but I tend to not care about what the lanes are "supposed to do" based on the speed limit. I have what I call a "default speed" when I drive on highways. Currently, it's 72 mph ±3 for the GSP/I-287, 75 mph ±3 on the turnpike, and a measly 58 mph ±3 on US-1 (there are stop lights). When I drove it, I-76 was 72 mph ±3 (although it was 76 before my unfortunate ticket). You might think this is a little bit strange for me to distinguish speeds so meticulously, but it makes a big difference in how you travel relative to traffic around you.
So anyway, those are my default speeds. That means I am comfortable traveling at those speeds on those roads, and not too much faster or slower than that. For me, it doesn't really matter what lane I'm in to be going that comfortable speed. A lot of the time it is that left-most lane, but I'll switch over to the right if there's no traffic/I see a stupid-fast driver on his way to intercept my position. Sometimes, it means I use the right lane to pass your slow ass.
Well, there you have it! Highway theory 101 on how lane speeds are designated!
No. Today, I will be designating generalizations of how people drive on the highway. It's actually fairly straightforward in theory.
In general, the rule is "Stay Right, Pass Left." This means faster traffic is supposedly in the left lane and slower in the right lanes, but this is difficult in high-traffic/high-speed situations, and traffic adjusts to compensate.
In 2-4 lane highways, this rule actually holds true (for the most part).
For a five lane-highway that is in full traffic use, things start to change. Let us say that fastest traffic travels in the left lane designated as "lane 1." This lane usually travels at 15 mph over the speed limit. The next lane over (lane 2) travels at 10 mph over the speed limit, which works with our "rule." The lane furthest right (lane 5) contains merging and exiting traffic, and as expected, they are going the speed limit or slower (boo-hiss). Lane 4 contains people trying to escape/enter lane 5 and so they are traveling somewhere around the speed limit if not 5 mph above.
The middle lane however contains a mix of traffic. Usually people stuck in the 2nd lane but cannot switch over the left lane become frustrated and start using the middle lane if there is open road. In a similar manner, people in lane 4 that think going 5 mph over the speed limit is not fast enough for the road warrior ways move over to the 3rd lane to speed ahead. The result is that the 3rd lane becomes another passing lane, containing high speed traffic. Unfortunately, this speedy little getaway is also normally broken up by a driver who is under the impression that they are perfectly fine driving in that middle lane slower than the traffic to the left but without any regard to how traffic flows to the right of them.
Note, this alternating fast-slow-fast-slow may also cause drivers to be extremely fast in the 5th lane (as a stupid-fast driver might).
And now that I've cleared all that up, I will confess: that's all BS.
I hope this isn't just me that does this, but I tend to not care about what the lanes are "supposed to do" based on the speed limit. I have what I call a "default speed" when I drive on highways. Currently, it's 72 mph ±3 for the GSP/I-287, 75 mph ±3 on the turnpike, and a measly 58 mph ±3 on US-1 (there are stop lights). When I drove it, I-76 was 72 mph ±3 (although it was 76 before my unfortunate ticket). You might think this is a little bit strange for me to distinguish speeds so meticulously, but it makes a big difference in how you travel relative to traffic around you.
So anyway, those are my default speeds. That means I am comfortable traveling at those speeds on those roads, and not too much faster or slower than that. For me, it doesn't really matter what lane I'm in to be going that comfortable speed. A lot of the time it is that left-most lane, but I'll switch over to the right if there's no traffic/I see a stupid-fast driver on his way to intercept my position. Sometimes, it means I use the right lane to pass your slow ass.
Well, there you have it! Highway theory 101 on how lane speeds are designated!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Playing loud music while driving
I never really understood the attractiveness of driving with your windows down driving really loud music except to intentionally piss people off (ie: driving around suburbs with Carmina blasting at 2am). Because really, when I see people driving around playing loud music with their music down I don't think, "oh wow, your speaker system is really sweet!" No, I think, "okay, you have to have your windows down because you don't want to have your a/c on and have to increase your music volume to compensate for the wind."
Today, was the first time I decided blasting music had a legitimate benefit (of which, was my own). And that brought a smile to my face.
I still haven't figured out whether these guys are my heroes or the biggest losers I've ever seen, but both make me laugh. These guys were definitely rocking out hardcore to the following songs:
and finally
So. You see these boys unabashedly dancing, pointing to people on the street, and generally having a party in their car to these songs. Are they your biggest heroes or losers?
Today, was the first time I decided blasting music had a legitimate benefit (of which, was my own). And that brought a smile to my face.
I still haven't figured out whether these guys are my heroes or the biggest losers I've ever seen, but both make me laugh. These guys were definitely rocking out hardcore to the following songs:
and finally
So. You see these boys unabashedly dancing, pointing to people on the street, and generally having a party in their car to these songs. Are they your biggest heroes or losers?
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Today
The cops are playing Pokemon. Gotta catch 'em all.
Womp wooomp.
Sorry I don't have anything more interesting to write about. I hope my corniness is more than enough for you to handle.
Womp wooomp.
Sorry I don't have anything more interesting to write about. I hope my corniness is more than enough for you to handle.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
D-bags of the road: Part 4 - In traffic
Dear persons in lefter lanes,
Please decide you are going to pull into a gas station before you speed past me, brake hard, and then cut me off while I'm getting ready to take an exit.
mkthxbbai.
In other news I apologize to my reader(s??!) that I haven't ranted in a while. I promise I'll come up with bigger and better things this weekend. Without further ado though, let me introduce the d-bags of the road while you're stuck in traffic:
The zipper breaker
You've just gotten out of a toll booth and are facing massive amounts of traffic in front of you. As such, you feel like sheep or cattle being herded forward in various lines that must merge together. Finally, you approach the merge point, and what happens? The zipper breaker scoots on in front of you. What a douche move.
The guy who uses the breakdown lane as his own personal road
He thinks he can get away with using that far right lane to speed ahead of whatever is causing this traffic. Hehe. Let's not tell him about the cop that's up there.
The brake Tourrette's dude
Personally, I try to avoid using my brakes as much as possible when it comes to driving on the highway. Usually, just letting off the gas will slow you down enough. I use this same rule for Mario Kart (also like Mario Kart, I wish there was a star and jump ability in my car). Understandably, you must use your brakes while you're stuck in traffic. But woe to you if you are tapping your brakes 3 times/second in front of me at night. I will stare you down so passive-aggressively that your car may burst into flames in my imagination. Is it just me, or do some cars have EXTRAORDINARILY bright brake lights?
The infinite turn signaler
Okay. That was nice. You signaled to get in your lane. Now please turn it off. Please? This is just as bad as the brakes guy.
The slowest accelerator on the face of the earth
OH MY GOODNESS. YOU HAVE THE ENTIRE ROAD IN FRONT OF YOU TO GO BECAUSE YOU'RE MOVING SO SLOW. NO ONE IN THE OTHER TWO LANES IS SWITCHING OVER. HURRY UP BEFORE IT--...freaking a. The light turned red.
Please decide you are going to pull into a gas station before you speed past me, brake hard, and then cut me off while I'm getting ready to take an exit.
mkthxbbai.
In other news I apologize to my reader(s??!) that I haven't ranted in a while. I promise I'll come up with bigger and better things this weekend. Without further ado though, let me introduce the d-bags of the road while you're stuck in traffic:
The zipper breaker
You've just gotten out of a toll booth and are facing massive amounts of traffic in front of you. As such, you feel like sheep or cattle being herded forward in various lines that must merge together. Finally, you approach the merge point, and what happens? The zipper breaker scoots on in front of you. What a douche move.
The guy who uses the breakdown lane as his own personal road
He thinks he can get away with using that far right lane to speed ahead of whatever is causing this traffic. Hehe. Let's not tell him about the cop that's up there.
The brake Tourrette's dude
Personally, I try to avoid using my brakes as much as possible when it comes to driving on the highway. Usually, just letting off the gas will slow you down enough. I use this same rule for Mario Kart (also like Mario Kart, I wish there was a star and jump ability in my car). Understandably, you must use your brakes while you're stuck in traffic. But woe to you if you are tapping your brakes 3 times/second in front of me at night. I will stare you down so passive-aggressively that your car may burst into flames in my imagination. Is it just me, or do some cars have EXTRAORDINARILY bright brake lights?
The infinite turn signaler
Okay. That was nice. You signaled to get in your lane. Now please turn it off. Please? This is just as bad as the brakes guy.
The slowest accelerator on the face of the earth
OH MY GOODNESS. YOU HAVE THE ENTIRE ROAD IN FRONT OF YOU TO GO BECAUSE YOU'RE MOVING SO SLOW. NO ONE IN THE OTHER TWO LANES IS SWITCHING OVER. HURRY UP BEFORE IT--...freaking a. The light turned red.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I'm a jerk, part 2
So today, I was driving home from church, which is usually done on two major local roads with speed limits that vary from 35 to 40 mph. There are two things I notice while driving on these roads:
1) I have a love/hate relationship with lights with two lanes of traffic that have no specific traffic designation. Usually, I try to be nice and stay in the left lane so that people can turn right unless I see someone with a left blinky light. What also usually happens is that people get into the right lane and then merge into traffic when the road turns back into a 1-lane road, beating out everyone that used to be in front of them. Today, I saw a left blinky light immediately in front of me but not at the front of the lane so I also joined the right lane. I felt like a jerk for passing all the people that got to the light before me because they obviously could not see the reason I decided to join the right lane to pass them.
2) You really can't drive too slow on a single lane road, even if it's a local road. Somewhere further along this road, I encountered a rather abrupt slow-down of traffic (abrupt meaning traveling speed moved from 36 mph to 27 mph). I identified the responsible car to be two cars in front of me with out-of-state-but-close-enough plates. I wasn't in a hurry so it wasn't SO excruciating, but that didn't keep me from accelerating down a large hill behind the car as the car in front of me went into a left-turn lane. I guess I spooked the poor fellow, because next thing I know, he pulled over to the side of the road and let me and the next car pass. I'm a jerk.
And then I felt better when I got to the next red light and I still saw him and a line of cars behind him a good distance off in my rearview mirror. Yep. A jerk, but now justified.
1) I have a love/hate relationship with lights with two lanes of traffic that have no specific traffic designation. Usually, I try to be nice and stay in the left lane so that people can turn right unless I see someone with a left blinky light. What also usually happens is that people get into the right lane and then merge into traffic when the road turns back into a 1-lane road, beating out everyone that used to be in front of them. Today, I saw a left blinky light immediately in front of me but not at the front of the lane so I also joined the right lane. I felt like a jerk for passing all the people that got to the light before me because they obviously could not see the reason I decided to join the right lane to pass them.
2) You really can't drive too slow on a single lane road, even if it's a local road. Somewhere further along this road, I encountered a rather abrupt slow-down of traffic (abrupt meaning traveling speed moved from 36 mph to 27 mph). I identified the responsible car to be two cars in front of me with out-of-state-but-close-enough plates. I wasn't in a hurry so it wasn't SO excruciating, but that didn't keep me from accelerating down a large hill behind the car as the car in front of me went into a left-turn lane. I guess I spooked the poor fellow, because next thing I know, he pulled over to the side of the road and let me and the next car pass. I'm a jerk.
And then I felt better when I got to the next red light and I still saw him and a line of cars behind him a good distance off in my rearview mirror. Yep. A jerk, but now justified.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
An addendum
So after posting the other night, I realized I was missing a key component of suburban drivers and why I decided to post in the first place. Allow me to introduce:
Terrible Tiffany, the texting turner twit
OK. I have to be fair. This doesn't exclusively belong to the suburban edition because terrible texters are found everywhere, but that's where the incident happened. Besides, I really like alliteration/consonance for some reason. Topsy turvy triangles tickle toes to twinkling trucks! ..Sorry.
Confession Thursday Tangent: I text when I'm bored and stuck in traffic. If you ever see "I LOVE TRAFFIC" or "I LOVE RAIN" as my twitter update at ~8:30 am, it means I've hit the Newark area on my morning commute. I exclude myself from the terrible texting tetrahedron (tetrahedrons are more exciting than circles) because I am not actually moving forward. It's more like a very busy parking lot.
ANYWAY. Terrible Tiffany texts in one hand and turns with the other. Terrible Tiffany does not have the necessary arm strength to turn her car from a stop very well while she is preoccupied with typing in her next "haha." Terrible Tiffany is about to get honked at for longer than necessary.
That is all
Terrible Tiffany, the texting turner twit
OK. I have to be fair. This doesn't exclusively belong to the suburban edition because terrible texters are found everywhere, but that's where the incident happened. Besides, I really like alliteration/consonance for some reason. Topsy turvy triangles tickle toes to twinkling trucks! ..Sorry.
Confession Thursday Tangent: I text when I'm bored and stuck in traffic. If you ever see "I LOVE TRAFFIC" or "I LOVE RAIN" as my twitter update at ~8:30 am, it means I've hit the Newark area on my morning commute. I exclude myself from the terrible texting tetrahedron (tetrahedrons are more exciting than circles) because I am not actually moving forward. It's more like a very busy parking lot.
ANYWAY. Terrible Tiffany texts in one hand and turns with the other. Terrible Tiffany does not have the necessary arm strength to turn her car from a stop very well while she is preoccupied with typing in her next "haha." Terrible Tiffany is about to get honked at for longer than necessary.
That is all
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
On people who don't realize what toll lane they belong to
I refuse to believe that people in New Jersey don't know how to choose a toll lane. That is why I think the car that went across 4 lanes from the left-most E-Z Pass to the next cash lane must have been a car thief from out of state. For shame! That huge ugly brown Ford Expedition did nothing special to be picked out from the other cars!
Honestly, now. If you live here, you need to know where your toll lanes are. The left lanes are designated as E-Z PASS. It means you don't need to have tokens or count change or interact with people and stop completely to pay your toll. It's been like that since before I could drive. Did you forget? Oh, I guess you didn't see the big "E-Z PASS ONLY" painted on the road below you. You must have been going too fast to see.
While we're at it, why don't we also address the guys who are in the left lane for the E-Z Pass Express lane and then cut off people to get into a regular toll lane on the right side? For those who have never experienced E-Z Pass Express, I give my condolences. It's spoiled me. Being able pay my toll at 70 mph feels wonderful. You, man-who-doesn't-realize-what-lane-he-belongs-to, should not be able to dampen my gladness by scaring the crap out of me and the poor grandmother in the right lane by cutting off both of us as you rumble across the white-striped part of the road to pay your toll the old-fashioned way. Guess what? All your speeding to get wherever means nothing when you have to stop to pay your toll.
And then I speed off smugly. I'm such a jerk.
Honestly, now. If you live here, you need to know where your toll lanes are. The left lanes are designated as E-Z PASS. It means you don't need to have tokens or count change or interact with people and stop completely to pay your toll. It's been like that since before I could drive. Did you forget? Oh, I guess you didn't see the big "E-Z PASS ONLY" painted on the road below you. You must have been going too fast to see.
While we're at it, why don't we also address the guys who are in the left lane for the E-Z Pass Express lane and then cut off people to get into a regular toll lane on the right side? For those who have never experienced E-Z Pass Express, I give my condolences. It's spoiled me. Being able pay my toll at 70 mph feels wonderful. You, man-who-doesn't-realize-what-lane-he-belongs-to, should not be able to dampen my gladness by scaring the crap out of me and the poor grandmother in the right lane by cutting off both of us as you rumble across the white-striped part of the road to pay your toll the old-fashioned way. Guess what? All your speeding to get wherever means nothing when you have to stop to pay your toll.
And then I speed off smugly. I'm such a jerk.
Monday, November 2, 2009
D-bags of the road: Part 3 - Suburban Edition
For those who remain in the dark, I am born and raised as a suburbanite. Just because we can't drive over 40 mph on the road, doesn't mean we can't have our own terrible drivers. I am prejudiced against no one!
"The Pittsburgh Left" taker
"The Pittsburgh Left" simply refers to taking a left turn at an intersection before oncoming traffic can go straight. It happens to be a pretty common occurrence in Pittsburgh, and sometimes expected at certain intersections. For example, it's often in Pittsburgh to have a left-turn/straight lane and a right-turn only lane. We all agree this is stupid, right? Yes. And that's why people behind the left-turning car are in favor of that car taking a Pittsburgh left. Of course, if you get into an accident because you decide to turn left and the car going straight doesn't know of this "courtesy," then you can't use it as an excuse that you had the right of way. Similarly, in normal parts of the country, you probably don't want to do this because you will be faced with lots of horns in your right ear.
People who honk at people already walking in crosswalks
I'm still not over this one, and it's been a few months. WTF, DUDE. I'M ALREADY WALKING BRISKLY ACROSS THE CROSSWALK. NEXT TIME YOU HONK AT ME I'M GOING TO STOP, THROW MY HALF-EATEN APPLE AT YOUR WINDSHIELD, AND KICK IN YOUR FENDER. Seriously, go ahead and be the douche that doesn't let the mother with a stroller cross the road, but don't honk at the people already in the road that would have otherwise had enough traffic had you not been speeding down a residential road. mkthx.
The guy who runs at night wearing black
Ohhhh!! A trickster, I am! This guy isn't a driver, but rather a pedestrian! See, I told you I discriminate for no one! This is coming from someone that tries to run on a semi-regular basis when she's not recovering from her 384th sprained ankle: don't run at night unless you're wearing bright colors or better yet, a reflective vest. For those who are wondering: Yes, I did hit a pedestrian. Yes, I did actually see him running on the opposite side, and thought he turned before I made my own turn. Yes, it was because I was thinking how ironic it was that the cop at the stop light had his left light out. No, I did not injure him, because I could probably push him harder than I hit him (I think our Women's Flag Football team can attest to that). But I like to deflect blame. His fault! All his!
The Jerk who decides to be pro-active and cross into a left hand turn lane from a T-intersection blocking off the straight lane of a main road right before a set of railroad tracks.
Sorry about the long title. It's pretty self-explanatory, but the wording is a little difficult to wrap an image around. For your enjoyment:
I just realized, this isn't much of a "Suburban Edition" and more of a "Pittsburgh Edition" but that's okay. Over and out.
"The Pittsburgh Left" taker
"The Pittsburgh Left" simply refers to taking a left turn at an intersection before oncoming traffic can go straight. It happens to be a pretty common occurrence in Pittsburgh, and sometimes expected at certain intersections. For example, it's often in Pittsburgh to have a left-turn/straight lane and a right-turn only lane. We all agree this is stupid, right? Yes. And that's why people behind the left-turning car are in favor of that car taking a Pittsburgh left. Of course, if you get into an accident because you decide to turn left and the car going straight doesn't know of this "courtesy," then you can't use it as an excuse that you had the right of way. Similarly, in normal parts of the country, you probably don't want to do this because you will be faced with lots of horns in your right ear.
People who honk at people already walking in crosswalks
I'm still not over this one, and it's been a few months. WTF, DUDE. I'M ALREADY WALKING BRISKLY ACROSS THE CROSSWALK. NEXT TIME YOU HONK AT ME I'M GOING TO STOP, THROW MY HALF-EATEN APPLE AT YOUR WINDSHIELD, AND KICK IN YOUR FENDER. Seriously, go ahead and be the douche that doesn't let the mother with a stroller cross the road, but don't honk at the people already in the road that would have otherwise had enough traffic had you not been speeding down a residential road. mkthx.
The guy who runs at night wearing black
Ohhhh!! A trickster, I am! This guy isn't a driver, but rather a pedestrian! See, I told you I discriminate for no one! This is coming from someone that tries to run on a semi-regular basis when she's not recovering from her 384th sprained ankle: don't run at night unless you're wearing bright colors or better yet, a reflective vest. For those who are wondering: Yes, I did hit a pedestrian. Yes, I did actually see him running on the opposite side, and thought he turned before I made my own turn. Yes, it was because I was thinking how ironic it was that the cop at the stop light had his left light out. No, I did not injure him, because I could probably push him harder than I hit him (I think our Women's Flag Football team can attest to that). But I like to deflect blame. His fault! All his!
The Jerk who decides to be pro-active and cross into a left hand turn lane from a T-intersection blocking off the straight lane of a main road right before a set of railroad tracks.
Sorry about the long title. It's pretty self-explanatory, but the wording is a little difficult to wrap an image around. For your enjoyment:
I just realized, this isn't much of a "Suburban Edition" and more of a "Pittsburgh Edition" but that's okay. Over and out.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
D-bags of the road: Part 2 - Two-lane highways
Today we will be continuing the D-bags of the road by paying particular attention to drivers found on two-lane highways. AND we have a Confession Thursday. Two birds with one stone! Joy!
Jerk on the left:
This is the guy who likes the left lane a lot. Usually, this is acceptable if they are driving fast enough. Not acceptable when he is going just above the speed limit and not actually passing anyone. Driver who likes the left lane, you suck. You are causing a long line of, essentially, frustrated stupid-fast people. Really, no one comes out of this happy as those cars start cutting other people off in the other right lane and speed on ahead of you.
"How do know if I'm an jerk-on-the-left?" If you look in your rearview mirror and there are more cars turning out of your lane than entering, this could be a clue. If you are no longer passing cars on your right, this is probably a stronger clue.
"How do I avoid being the jerk-on-the-left?" Simply go back to the right-er lane after you are finished passing the car in front of you. Please. The only pseudo-exception is if there is a left-lane exit. Oooh. I hate those.
Jerk on the right:
This should not be confused with a Stupid Slow driver. The jerk-on-the-right actually drives relatively fast for a driver in the right lane. And be careful not to associate them as a Stupid Fast driver that's just using the right lane for a quick moment. This driver is actually considerate enough to just stay in the right lane if they know they're not going to be the absolute fastest on the road. So then why are they an jerk? Because they are on the right side and usually, they are paired up with an jerk on the left. They are going just fast enough so that a wall has essentially been created for all traffic behind them. Both cars are still approaching slower traffic in front of them, but both are going a frustratingly slower speed than the cars behind them would like.
Confession: Sometimes I really really like being the jerk on the right. There's nothing like seeing that stupid-fast driver be put to a halt by a frustrating wall of traffic on a two-lane highway. The day your child is born may be sightly more fulfilling. Be careful with this move though. You might have one of those drivers that like to defy physics.
Jerk on the left:
This is the guy who likes the left lane a lot. Usually, this is acceptable if they are driving fast enough. Not acceptable when he is going just above the speed limit and not actually passing anyone. Driver who likes the left lane, you suck. You are causing a long line of, essentially, frustrated stupid-fast people. Really, no one comes out of this happy as those cars start cutting other people off in the other right lane and speed on ahead of you.
"How do know if I'm an jerk-on-the-left?" If you look in your rearview mirror and there are more cars turning out of your lane than entering, this could be a clue. If you are no longer passing cars on your right, this is probably a stronger clue.
"How do I avoid being the jerk-on-the-left?" Simply go back to the right-er lane after you are finished passing the car in front of you. Please. The only pseudo-exception is if there is a left-lane exit. Oooh. I hate those.
Jerk on the right:
This should not be confused with a Stupid Slow driver. The jerk-on-the-right actually drives relatively fast for a driver in the right lane. And be careful not to associate them as a Stupid Fast driver that's just using the right lane for a quick moment. This driver is actually considerate enough to just stay in the right lane if they know they're not going to be the absolute fastest on the road. So then why are they an jerk? Because they are on the right side and usually, they are paired up with an jerk on the left. They are going just fast enough so that a wall has essentially been created for all traffic behind them. Both cars are still approaching slower traffic in front of them, but both are going a frustratingly slower speed than the cars behind them would like.
Confession: Sometimes I really really like being the jerk on the right. There's nothing like seeing that stupid-fast driver be put to a halt by a frustrating wall of traffic on a two-lane highway. The day your child is born may be sightly more fulfilling. Be careful with this move though. You might have one of those drivers that like to defy physics.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Man. You know it's been a long driving day when you get mad at the nice woman who let you turn left at a T-intersection even though she had the right of way. I apologize for saying that such an act was "useless."
I also apologize to any other drivers that I might have expressed strong feelings towards. Except for you, awkward-Honda-Station-Wagon-driver.
You were short, stubby, and accelerated painfully slow to a max speed of 40 mph in the left hand lane at a speed limit of 50. I hope to never encounter you again.
I also apologize to any other drivers that I might have expressed strong feelings towards. Except for you, awkward-Honda-Station-Wagon-driver.
You were short, stubby, and accelerated painfully slow to a max speed of 40 mph in the left hand lane at a speed limit of 50. I hope to never encounter you again.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
D-bags of the road: Part 1 - The Basics
So, I thought I should perhaps define who I thought were the douches of the road. Pardon my French. I realize showers were not meant to be taken while in a car. To maintain the attention of my non-existant audience, I will split this up into parts. This also allows me to add on to my list without looking like I forgot a type of driver. So without further ado, here we go with Part 1 with "the basics."
Stupid Fast
Everyone knows what I'm talking about. There's fast, and then there's stupid-fast. These are the people who think they're ACTUALLY in a game of Need For Speed or Gran Turismo. They are weaving in and out unnecessarily through traffic and on open road push 100 before slamming on their brakes at the last second for the poor car who bothered to take eyes off of the rear-view mirror for more than 2 seconds. With an exasperated sigh and angry lights glowing, they quickly cut off the merging/exiting traffic to the right and use that temporary lane to speed ahead of everyone. YOU are the one that causes everyone to hope for a cop around the next turn. Yes. You are a douche. Extra points if you're a ricer, and extra-extra points if your car is old (but not in a "classic" way).
Stupid Slow
I'm not talking about the people who go the speed limit. I'm not even talking about the people going 5mph under the speed limit. I'm talking about the people who are going STUPID-slow. These are the people who are oblivous of the fact that rain doesn't automatically mean driving 40 mph. The people that think they're still on a local road when they're on a major highway. These people are reckless in a completely different way of the Stupid-Fast people. They are completely unaware of their surroundings and how others are reacting to their inability to deal with faster traffic. You cause accidents not by cutting people off in haste, but by causing a sea of red lights behind you. You keep your blinker on forever before taking half a minute to change your lane. You live in your own relative space-time continuum, and in my opinion, you should stick with your walker.
Never to be mixed: Stupid-Slow merging into a Stupid-Fast lane toss.
Stupid Fast
Everyone knows what I'm talking about. There's fast, and then there's stupid-fast. These are the people who think they're ACTUALLY in a game of Need For Speed or Gran Turismo. They are weaving in and out unnecessarily through traffic and on open road push 100 before slamming on their brakes at the last second for the poor car who bothered to take eyes off of the rear-view mirror for more than 2 seconds. With an exasperated sigh and angry lights glowing, they quickly cut off the merging/exiting traffic to the right and use that temporary lane to speed ahead of everyone. YOU are the one that causes everyone to hope for a cop around the next turn. Yes. You are a douche. Extra points if you're a ricer, and extra-extra points if your car is old (but not in a "classic" way).
Stupid Slow
I'm not talking about the people who go the speed limit. I'm not even talking about the people going 5mph under the speed limit. I'm talking about the people who are going STUPID-slow. These are the people who are oblivous of the fact that rain doesn't automatically mean driving 40 mph. The people that think they're still on a local road when they're on a major highway. These people are reckless in a completely different way of the Stupid-Fast people. They are completely unaware of their surroundings and how others are reacting to their inability to deal with faster traffic. You cause accidents not by cutting people off in haste, but by causing a sea of red lights behind you. You keep your blinker on forever before taking half a minute to change your lane. You live in your own relative space-time continuum, and in my opinion, you should stick with your walker.
Never to be mixed: Stupid-Slow merging into a Stupid-Fast lane toss.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Why I know God exists: Driving tales
How can I say I know God exists? By the shear number of tremendous accidents that should have happened in front of me but didn't. I know that sounds a little conceited, especially because I've been driving for less than half of my life (if you're nerdy enough, you can figure out that makes me less than 32 years old). But please, humor me for a moment.
You would think on a Friday since I don't have to commute, it would be peaceful day. That I wouldn't encounter a number of AMAZING drivers on the road. You would have thought as I had. And ultimately, you and I would be wrong.
In a fairly impromptu decision, my brother who is visiting this weekend decided to cancel his bus ticket and bum a ride with some friends to see the Army vs. Rutgers game. Knowing this would be my chance to see a game for cheap (ie: free, since I made my brother buy my ticket before I got there), I volunteered to drive up and shuttle him back. I knew it was going to rain. I should have already prepared myself for the driving I was going to encounter. You know, the "get angry at everything, release, and just remember that people are pretty stupid in general" technique. It's what I use to avoid road rage, but sometimes your jaw just drops in awe of what has happened in front of you anyway.
Background: There is a long line of cars in the passing lane (caused by "the slowpoke" and a few cars interspersed in the right lane so that it wouldn't make (normal) sense to ever switch back into the right lane. There is always that rule-breaker though.
Car 1 is coming up quickly on my right showed no signs of slowing down as it approached Car 2 in front and to the right. Car 3 right in front of me was just about starting his pass on that Car 2 when Car 1 decides that he can defy physics and somehow manages to weave between the space between Car 3 and Car 2.
I've included a rough animation of the events for clarification:
I should become part of the next big animation film, right? I know. I'm super talented. I try to be humble, but it's hard when you're this good.
Honestly though. How does an event like that not result in an accident? God. Yep, must be it.
Other events of the night included getting free parking at the game because of the nice parking lady and an extreme version of the "last minute mind-changer" but I've already used up all of my blogging energy making that insanely awesome animation. So that's it for today. Happy Weekend!
You would think on a Friday since I don't have to commute, it would be peaceful day. That I wouldn't encounter a number of AMAZING drivers on the road. You would have thought as I had. And ultimately, you and I would be wrong.
In a fairly impromptu decision, my brother who is visiting this weekend decided to cancel his bus ticket and bum a ride with some friends to see the Army vs. Rutgers game. Knowing this would be my chance to see a game for cheap (ie: free, since I made my brother buy my ticket before I got there), I volunteered to drive up and shuttle him back. I knew it was going to rain. I should have already prepared myself for the driving I was going to encounter. You know, the "get angry at everything, release, and just remember that people are pretty stupid in general" technique. It's what I use to avoid road rage, but sometimes your jaw just drops in awe of what has happened in front of you anyway.
Background: There is a long line of cars in the passing lane (caused by "the slowpoke" and a few cars interspersed in the right lane so that it wouldn't make (normal) sense to ever switch back into the right lane. There is always that rule-breaker though.
Car 1 is coming up quickly on my right showed no signs of slowing down as it approached Car 2 in front and to the right. Car 3 right in front of me was just about starting his pass on that Car 2 when Car 1 decides that he can defy physics and somehow manages to weave between the space between Car 3 and Car 2.
I've included a rough animation of the events for clarification:
I should become part of the next big animation film, right? I know. I'm super talented. I try to be humble, but it's hard when you're this good.
Honestly though. How does an event like that not result in an accident? God. Yep, must be it.
Other events of the night included getting free parking at the game because of the nice parking lady and an extreme version of the "last minute mind-changer" but I've already used up all of my blogging energy making that insanely awesome animation. So that's it for today. Happy Weekend!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Say hello to confession thursdays!
Because after all, this blog IS "confessions of a commuter." I don't know if Thursday has any sort of significance in the Catholic tradition, but for me, it was just the random day that I chose to have "Confession Thursdays." So, here goes:
I speed. No, that wasn't my confession. That would be pretty lame of me. It's pretty much a given that I have a tendency to drive faster than the posted speed limit, and this is true more on highways than local roads. My speeding is not limited to one specific lane, but in all lanes of travel.
That said, I don't mind it if someone is passing me in a designated passing lane. If I'm already speeding and you want to zip on ahead of me, that's fine. You're just using up more gas, and it's just as likely that I'll be right behind you anyway by the time we get to the next toll booth.
My confession is this: I get inexplicably nervous if people are passing to the right of me, but only if I'm in the leftmost lane. Even if I'm sandwiched in the lane with traffic due to someone driving slowly 5 cars up ahead of me, if I see someone on the far right side making a pass, I start to feel insecure.
Why this happens, I'm unsure. Perhaps it's that I'm no longer going my optimal travel speed, and someone is shoving it in my face. Perhaps I somehow feel responsible for this person having to move into a non-passing lane by being in the left lane. Perhaps it's due to my regard for the safety of others as this speed demon weaves in and out of traffic (no, this is not meant to be ironic). Whatever reason, I get agida, and the sooner I get into a middle lane, the better I feel.
Usually which is followed by an immediate switch back into a faster lane so I can pass that slow car 5 cars up ahead.
I speed. No, that wasn't my confession. That would be pretty lame of me. It's pretty much a given that I have a tendency to drive faster than the posted speed limit, and this is true more on highways than local roads. My speeding is not limited to one specific lane, but in all lanes of travel.
That said, I don't mind it if someone is passing me in a designated passing lane. If I'm already speeding and you want to zip on ahead of me, that's fine. You're just using up more gas, and it's just as likely that I'll be right behind you anyway by the time we get to the next toll booth.
My confession is this: I get inexplicably nervous if people are passing to the right of me, but only if I'm in the leftmost lane. Even if I'm sandwiched in the lane with traffic due to someone driving slowly 5 cars up ahead of me, if I see someone on the far right side making a pass, I start to feel insecure.
Why this happens, I'm unsure. Perhaps it's that I'm no longer going my optimal travel speed, and someone is shoving it in my face. Perhaps I somehow feel responsible for this person having to move into a non-passing lane by being in the left lane. Perhaps it's due to my regard for the safety of others as this speed demon weaves in and out of traffic (no, this is not meant to be ironic). Whatever reason, I get agida, and the sooner I get into a middle lane, the better I feel.
Usually which is followed by an immediate switch back into a faster lane so I can pass that slow car 5 cars up ahead.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
On people who have no right to switch lanes
That's right. This first one's going to be a doozy.
And you read it correctly. I'm going to go ahead and say that not only are these people annoying, but they should actually not have the right to switch lanes especially if it's the same that I'm in (which I'm inclined to say is "mine" since I was here first, after all). There are actually several different scenarios that this can be applied to.
The cutoff:
You're driving along in your lane when suddenly you find there is no longer open road (or a normal following distance from the previous car) in front of you but a new bumper inches away from yours. Sir, at that distance, I don't care how fast you'll be following with traffic, that's just a no-no. On the other hand, perhaps this scenario is the first driver's fault as they shouldn't give such a "wide" opening for someone else to squeeze into. Obviously, the preemptive choice is to be tailing the person in front of you to begin with.
The slowpoke:
You're driving along in your passing lane and you notice another car getting frustrated with the car in front of them. He in turn decides to enter in front of you, but does not do so at the lane's average speed, but instead just a few mph's faster than what he was previously traveling. Usually this happens when the passing lane is going 15 mph over the speed limit and the entering car only wants to go 5 mph over. You're not allowed to do this either. If you do, you better go back into the lane which you came from or there's going to be some serious right lane passing coming your way.
The wanderer:
This is probably my favorite (the one I dislike the most). You're driving along on open road. Let's say for this example, there are 4 lanes. Ahead of you a car in its own lane at its own speed, albeit significantly slower. Suddenly, they decide they don't like that lane and enter yours. Excuse me? Do I have a magnet in my car that attracted you to this lane? You're not passing anyone and I'm not in any intermediate lane for you to get to an exit. Why are you here and why are you making me change lanes also?
The last minute mind-changer:
This is actually fairly dangerous, especially if it's a left-lane exit. Their mind: Oh! I need this exit! Wait, no. Not this one. The one 6 miles down the road. Better change back into my original spot even though I'm already slowing down and 3/4 in this other lane!
I know I must be missing a few, but that's what I can think of for now. Whoo, first entry!
And you read it correctly. I'm going to go ahead and say that not only are these people annoying, but they should actually not have the right to switch lanes especially if it's the same that I'm in (which I'm inclined to say is "mine" since I was here first, after all). There are actually several different scenarios that this can be applied to.
The cutoff:
You're driving along in your lane when suddenly you find there is no longer open road (or a normal following distance from the previous car) in front of you but a new bumper inches away from yours. Sir, at that distance, I don't care how fast you'll be following with traffic, that's just a no-no. On the other hand, perhaps this scenario is the first driver's fault as they shouldn't give such a "wide" opening for someone else to squeeze into. Obviously, the preemptive choice is to be tailing the person in front of you to begin with.
The slowpoke:
You're driving along in your passing lane and you notice another car getting frustrated with the car in front of them. He in turn decides to enter in front of you, but does not do so at the lane's average speed, but instead just a few mph's faster than what he was previously traveling. Usually this happens when the passing lane is going 15 mph over the speed limit and the entering car only wants to go 5 mph over. You're not allowed to do this either. If you do, you better go back into the lane which you came from or there's going to be some serious right lane passing coming your way.
The wanderer:
This is probably my favorite (the one I dislike the most). You're driving along on open road. Let's say for this example, there are 4 lanes. Ahead of you a car in its own lane at its own speed, albeit significantly slower. Suddenly, they decide they don't like that lane and enter yours. Excuse me? Do I have a magnet in my car that attracted you to this lane? You're not passing anyone and I'm not in any intermediate lane for you to get to an exit. Why are you here and why are you making me change lanes also?
The last minute mind-changer:
This is actually fairly dangerous, especially if it's a left-lane exit. Their mind: Oh! I need this exit! Wait, no. Not this one. The one 6 miles down the road. Better change back into my original spot even though I'm already slowing down and 3/4 in this other lane!
I know I must be missing a few, but that's what I can think of for now. Whoo, first entry!
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