D-bags of the road: Part 1 - The Basics

So, I thought I should perhaps define who I thought were the douches of the road. Pardon my French. I realize showers were not meant to be taken while in a car. To maintain the attention of my non-existant audience, I will split this up into parts. This also allows me to add on to my list without looking like I forgot a type of driver. So without further ado, here we go with Part 1 with "the basics."

Stupid Fast
Everyone knows what I'm talking about. There's fast, and then there's stupid-fast. These are the people who think they're ACTUALLY in a game of Need For Speed or Gran Turismo. They are weaving in and out unnecessarily through traffic and on open road push 100 before slamming on their brakes at the last second for the poor car who bothered to take eyes off of the rear-view mirror for more than 2 seconds. With an exasperated sigh and angry lights glowing, they quickly cut off the merging/exiting traffic to the right and use that temporary lane to speed ahead of everyone. YOU are the one that causes everyone to hope for a cop around the next turn. Yes. You are a douche. Extra points if you're a ricer, and extra-extra points if your car is old (but not in a "classic" way).

Stupid Slow
I'm not talking about the people who go the speed limit. I'm not even talking about the people going 5mph under the speed limit. I'm talking about the people who are going STUPID-slow. These are the people who are oblivous of the fact that rain doesn't automatically mean driving 40 mph. The people that think they're still on a local road when they're on a major highway. These people are reckless in a completely different way of the Stupid-Fast people. They are completely unaware of their surroundings and how others are reacting to their inability to deal with faster traffic. You cause accidents not by cutting people off in haste, but by causing a sea of red lights behind you. You keep your blinker on forever before taking half a minute to change your lane. You live in your own relative space-time continuum, and in my opinion, you should stick with your walker.

Never to be mixed: Stupid-Slow merging into a Stupid-Fast lane toss.