Thursday, December 23, 2010

Letter to Mall Designers

Dear Civil/Traffic Engineers working with Malls,

Please stop sucking at your job.

I could talk prolifically about the Palisades, the wonder (of fail) of Woodbury, and seriously write a thesis myself on GSP.  But this post is devoted to Riverside Square Mall.

Design of the mall itself? Ehhh.
Design of the traffic around it? Death.

Let me give you some background.  When coming from home, I am normally traveling Southbound on local roads.  For our purposes, imagine I am the white car traveling South in circle #1 below.



Now for some labels  the mistakes.
  1. Combination exit to Route 4 W, U-turn, and entrance to Mall.  Contains the ever-so-popular one must-turn lane and one I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing lane.  n00bs stay in the rightmost lane to turn into the mall or conversely, stay in the middle/left exit lane to get onto the highway.
  2. Lines disappear. Cars can do whatever they want, and that includes cutting off everyone.
  3. lolz. Just look at it for a second.  Isn't that funny looking?  For the record, there is a light there dictating when circles #3 and #5 have a green light.  The right lane is supposed to go into a righter lane of traffic or into circle #4.  The left lane is supposed to go into a lefter lane, but normally just ends up cutting the right lane off.
  4. Combination exit to Route 4 W (from Northbound on the same road), U-turn and entrance to mall.  You'll notice the northbound side already has a more intuitive entrance to the mall before the intersection, and thus, is normally not used by the Northbound side.
  5. Entrance to Route 4 W, U-turn lanes
  6. (Imaginary) All the cars trying to get onto Route 4. Three (sometimes four!) lanes of traffic merging into one.
OK.  That's that.

The seasoned driver knows how crappy this set-up is before entering it.

The unseasoned driver makes an illegal right turn out of #5 the same time a driver from #3 tries to enter the mall.

So you see this problem?

I sure did. When I almost t-boned the unseasoned driver's car.



Traffic engineer. In a perfect world, this might work. But people are stupid. And so are you.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

my internal dialogue

Sometimes, I think the things that go through my head are terrible.

Especially things like, "HAH! That's right, Mustang, you tried to speed 50 down a 25, went the long way around, and then cut into the same parking lot I was going into but I STILL beat you into a better parking spot!"

But then other things go through my head.  Things like, "Hmm, perhaps I could increase the awareness of crazy in this driver and leave them a note stating that this is a university campus, and while I'm sure they were late to a class it did not justify risking the lives of the many many pedestrians around."

That doesn't last for very long.  Instead I think of things like this:

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

i almost died

merging onto route 17.

For those unaware, rt 17 has a 50 mph speed limit because people can pretty much enter and exit right into parking lots.  Normally, I don't like going too fast on the road for this very reason, i.e., i don't want to rear end someone trying to enter the road from a stop.

When I was entering the on ramp, I was already going 40 mph.  Instead of maintaining speed, the 18 wheeler driving behind and to the left, sped up.  At pretty much the same rate I was speeding up.

Thanks, truck, for thinking my car couldn't reach 55 within the next 6 seconds.  Thanks, truck, for actually reaching just above 70 in the right lane before moving over to the left.  I know this because that's how fast I had to reach to make sure you didn't run me over.  I know this because I was absolutely gunning my car to get in front of you because I thought you were driving a reasonable speed on a 2-lane highway.

Truck, you had to slow down and move over to the right anyway to merge over to rt 4. Truck, you weren't even heading to east to New York.

Thanks for helping me test the limits of my car, jerk.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I didn't listen to construction cop

You've already heard me talk about why you should always listen to the traffic cop

Now it's the construction cop's turn.  Like the traffic cop, this is the rent-a-cop that hates being on campus in the middle of humid 90 degree weather directing traffic so that two dudes can pump water out some large thingamajig.  Normally, it's very easy to follow traffic/construction cop because you just stay away from him and stay away from the bright cones.

My mistake today was choosing to ride my bike to school.  You see, the nice little traffic cones that were set up were directly blocking the nice convenient bike path they have set up.  I went around the maintenance construction people but bypassed some of the cones to access the bike path and stay out of the way of the cars that now only had one lane for both sides of traffic. 

Construction cop gave me a stern look and told me "STAY OUT OF THE CONSTRUCTION AREA!"  I gave him a wave and a nod, but I was already out of it.  I'm sure if something had come flying towards my head, those other cones 2 feet outside of me would have saved my life.  Much like how the bike path probably saved my life when one of the frustrated cars driving through the area ran a red light after passing through.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

HAH! Brain cells work!

Okay okay! I remember why event(s) #2 from the last post stuck out in my head!

It's because they weren't people driving.  And it was actually two separate events.  I was reminded of both when similar things happened to me again today.

2a - Kids walking along the side of the highway
Dudes. This isn't the middle of nowhere.  This is Jersey.  On a Friday at noon.  1: Why aren't you in school? 2: WHY ARE YOU WALKING ON THE HIGHWAY?  You know how there are signs that say Pedestrians, bicycles, and horses prohibited on highway?  Guess which one you are.  Oh wait, you're not in school, maybe you shouldn't guess.

2b - Motor scooters tailgating you
This was awesome.  I was driving on a highway, and suddenly, I see a Vespa.  Said Vespa was moving a good 60 mph along with me until I took my exit.  I had no idea they could move that fast.  I wanted to wave at it.


For the record, I had to look up the difference between mopeds and motor scooters to write this, as I like to be as accurate as possible.  In the US, anything above 50 cc is considered a motor scooter even if it is not what you would traditionally call a motor scooter.   The converse is not necessarily true, as the definition of a moped is just anything motorized with pedals.

The more you know!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Amazing things recently

Have you ever experienced something so amazing while driving that you could say you have completed a life goal?  You don't realize it until it happens, but when it does, you know life feels just a little bit better now that you've witnessed said event.

Scenario one
I was driving west on 4 in the middle lane when an ugly car passes me on my left.  I really couldn't have cared less, since I had passed most of the traffic already.  I was already going 10 over the posted limit, and he probably going 15 faster than I was.  But really, the kicker came when I saw the cop pull out of his spot about 400 feet after the guy passed me.  Who was getting pulled over?  Oh, right.  Him.  Speeeectacular.

Scenario two
I have to be honest, when I thought this the other day it was awesome, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was right now.

Scenario three
Today, I was driving on the Parkway, and I managed to witness for the first time in my life a car making 4 lane changes as a straight line while everyone else is moving 70 mph in traffic.  I was really tempted to honk at Mr. Benz, but I could already see he wasn't planning on staying right in front of me as I was in one of the righter lanes.  So he made a lane change from the far right to the far left.  Kudos for not causing a wreck.


Friday, April 30, 2010

Bike lanes

THEY EXIST FOR A REASON, JERK. DON'T PULL OVER IN ONE TO ANSWER YOUR PHONE AROUND THOUSANDS OF STUDENTS WALKING RIGHT BESIDES IT AND ME QUICKLY COMING UP BEHIND YOU.

Freaking Asian drivers.*

*Tongue in cheek. Not the pulling over in the bike lane part though.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Why you always listen to the traffic cop

Maybe you live by a school or by some other awkward part of town where the civil engineers took into consideration how traffic would affect movement in the town 30 years ago, right around before all the developments started popping up. Whatever the case, you occasionally see an overweight man wearing a bright yellow vest waving and pointing and doing what every little kid is told to be rude to all the cars in the street.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Some prerequisite reading

"Why 70 Is The New 55"

I think I might finally have time for my big state-by-state post after next week, so hold on tight. In the meantime, we can confirm that DC traffic is terrible.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

D-bags of the road: Part 7 - More Ds

Drifters:
"Hey partner, there ain’t enough room for the two us in this lane." These drivers take their sweet time changing lanes, and so they “drift” into the lane. And then drift out of the lane. Which makes it increasingly difficult for both lanes of traffic involved to understand why time is relatively so much slower for these drivers.

Drunkards:
These drivers are not necessarily drunk. They may be distracted by some other means such as answering their phone, eating food, dropping their cigarette, falling asleep, or a small child throwing objects at them, but hopefully not an actual combination of these. Unlike drifters, these drivers just sort of sit in between two lanes never actually changing lanes, even when the greater majority of their car is now sitting in the latter lane. Instead, when they look up (or become momentarily lucid from their stupor), they lane toss back into their former lane. Be careful of these drivers, especially if you find yourself to the right or left of them. Do not pass Go, Do not collect $200.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

people are jerks

but so am I.

More often than not, I wish I wasn't so impatient or angry. Forgetting about frustrating lights and turns, a 5 mph difference in speed only makes a difference of less than 3 minutes over a half hour drive.

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Also, for most of you, this will be a repeat post of this video, since I posted it on my Google Reader feed, but I thought good enough to say again.

Friday, February 26, 2010

And here I was ready to call the storm a bust

The whole week, people were going mad over this impending snowdoom coming this weekend. Today comes and for the most part it's wet fluffy crap that turned to gross slush on the road. By the time I get out of work at 7:30, finer powder is coming down and blowing around. I figured if it kept going at this pace, it might end up being a dangerous storm after all.

Against my better sense of judgment, I decided to go to a friend's apartment to watch Kim Yuna kick some Olympic butt. By the time I left, it was well past midnight.

Yes, I drove anyway.

I believe my immediate reaction once clearing my snow from ice was, "Oh, was there supposed to be a road here?"

Oh well.

It was actually sort of exhilarating. I felt like I was transported back 100 years and was in a (much warmer) horse and buggy faring the snow-covered dirt paths. For all I knew, I was actually driving on the grass next to the actual road.

Today I did a pretty good job staying home and getting stuff done for most of the day except for actually having to go to work (geometry waits for no one!). I think I can do a better job of staying home tomorrow. Less ice skating to watch too. :)

Oh, and as a last note: 4WD makes a much larger difference in driving than non-4WDers will admit.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Are mentally handicapped people allowed to drive?

This is the serious question that went through my mind as I drove today. They had a handicapped license plate, but I'm pretty sure even physically handicapped people can see where the entrance to a very large strip mall is instead of almost stopping 6 times before turning at the actual light they wanted.

My second annoyance stems from driving in the same area too often. You start to figure out how long the lights take to change. In one such set, I know that as soon as the first light turns green I must accelerate to the speed limit as quickly as possible to make it to the next light to turn left before it turns red. I was a little peeved that today the car in front of me got to go straight through the second light while I got stuck with my stupid blinker on.

Lastly, I encountered a third slow driver, going well below the speed limit on a good long stretch of road on the final part of the drive home. I think this was God trying to punish me for being so angry today, even though I had just come from an Ash Wednesday service where I was supposed to repent all my sins.

...Oops. Maybe more praying is in order.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

What the crap are you?

Because I certainly don't know who approved this car to be on the road.



Best part about seeing this car on the road? It had one of these
handicap tag

I just don't understand.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

D-bags of the road: Part 6 - I'm going to run you off the road

No-signaler
As of late, it's been hard to determine whether this person is more annoying or less annoying than the infinite turn signaler. These people will casually careen into your lane and then out of your lane. Usually I'm okay with this, but the frequency of occurrance has increased recently, automatically qualifying for douchebaggery. That and cars are getting a little too close for comfort when they pull it off.

Aggressively Slow Driver
"Oxymoron," you say? Well hah! There are no oxymorons when it comes to driving, only morons. Just like this example.

On my way back from a trip this weekend, I was driving down a semi-large road that randomly went through sparsely populated towns. Top speed limit I saw was 55 and the lowest 35. At this point in the trip, I'm about a mile away from an exit for a major highway and the road speed limit is either 45 or 50. I'm in the right lane because, duh, that's where my exit will be. I tell the truth: I was going the speed limit. This car that I eventually approached was not. The car originally behind him passed him in a fury, but I thought since my exit was coming up, there would be no point in passing right now. Eventually I end up right behind him with a quarter mile left.

At first I thought maybe he was going to take the first for the highway going north. False statement. He did however brake jerkily (haha, double entendre) right before the exit, causing me to brake suddenly, causing the huge line of cars that want to exit onto this major highways to brake suddenly as well. He then repeats said jerky brakes while now going 35 mph on this 45-50 mph road. And let me tell you, the last 400 feet before this exit was some of the most painful in my life. Horns were a blarin' from a tremendous amount of cars (including my own). And this guy has the balls to slow down even more, until finally I can exit.

What an effing turd.

The guy behind me decided it would be a good idea to have a final flash of high beams at this douche after I moved over. So at least other cars knew the fault was not my own.

Yes, I am going to say this was not my fault. Aggressively slow driver, this is all on you. You're not even a passive-aggressive slow driver. It's one thing if you're in the left (fast) lane going only 5 mph over the speed limit. It's completely different when you are going 10 mph under the speed limit, brake like a jerk, and NOT take an exit.

Congratulations, ass hat. You've topped my list so far.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Expensive cars

Every so often you'll pull up a car that catches your eye in a special way.

I then immediately felt guilty for thinking of ways to steal the car as it pulled into a church parking lot.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Trucks are my friend until they are unfriendly

A lot of people are afraid of trucks. They're big, tall, and have huge blind spots, and that makes them scary!

But me? I like trucks. I especially like the ones that drive a constant 75 mph so that I can draft behind it regardless of how low I am on gas. If they aren't going 75, then it usually isn't too much of a hassle to pass them. Even if I'm sandwiched with a truck behind and a truck in front of me, I'm okay. Sandwiched between trucks from the left and right? A little uneasy, but nothing to cry about.

Unfortunately, I had a thought the other day. What if you were between two trucks (left/right) and you suddenly heard rumble strips from both sides? Terrifying.

Why?

Because the trucks have to compensate so that they are not so rumbly. Where do trucks go if they are rumbly? Oh right, they squeeze into the inside of the lane. (That's where you are remember?) It's like having walls close in on you. I have the Star Wars garbage compactor scene playing out in my head.

"One thing's for sure--after this we're all going to be a lot thinner."

My imagination gets the best of me sometimes.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

D-bags of the road: Part 5 - Second land drivers and headphones

My D-bag dictionary is back!

Today, the focus will be drivers of the second lane (from the left), or SLDs for short. This will be fairly short, because it's easy to describe. No matter what, everyone in this lane is a jerk. Except if I'm in it of course.

Most SLDs are such fakers. They drive in it because they don't want to be "that guy" in the left lane. Or maybe they want to feel a little bit better about themselves that they're not the "slow" people. Either way, they drive in the second to left lane. But they don't actually drive as fast as they should for someone in this lane.

Forget all the lane crap that I know everyone ignores anyway.

BOTTOM LINE: If you are in the second lane, you should NOT be the slowest driver on the road. Just...no. If you are in the second lane and you are the fastest driver on the road, do NOT freaking scare the crap out of other drivers in the lane by waiting the very last second to switch into the righter lane just to "show them a lesson" about driving in that lane.

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Quick Quiz:
Headphones are meant to be worn while listening to your personal music while:
a) in your room
b) on a jog
c) bicycling
d) driving

ANSWERS ARE A AND B. FREAKING A.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Fog lights

I'm not sure when it became so popular for people to turn on their fog lights all the time. I'm under the assumption that the mentality is something like this:

Car Salesman: HEY! Would you like to add fog lights to your car for an additional $300???!
You: $300 for two extra light bulbs? WTF? Oh but maybe If I add them to my car, people will see I spent money on this feature and will think I therefore have money!
Car Salesman: YES! You are rich with fog lights!

Perhaps the situation doesn't play out like that, but I'm pretty sure some people put their fog lights on just to show off. I'm not talking about when it's actually foggy and might serve some purpose. I'm talking about normal night driving on a normally lit road when there is absolutely no need to add fog lights to your regular head lights.

Besides, I can't be the only one that thinks when a fog light is out that the car looks like this

Seriously, it looks like one of its front teeth are missing. Let's stop this fog light trend.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Today's story

Today, I was driving down to school on the parkway to sign the lease before work. I get to around exit 159 and I see a cop ahead with its lights flashing. "No big deal," I thought, "it's already way up ahead so I should still be able to drive my current speed."

No deal.

All the cars slowed down as the cop started to swerve back and forth slowly between all lanes of traffic--some sort of sign that we should stay behind it, perhaps? Then I started to notice that there were Parkway trucks blocking on-ramps to the highway. Uh oh, why do I have a terrible feeling about this?

And then finally, traffic comes to a not-so-screeching halt. And a huge tractor goes and does something in the road. We were seriously just sitting there in the middle of the road for a good 10 minutes. North-bound drivers were probably driving past laughing, "Lawlz, those noobs."

You would think they would have been able to come up with a better solution than to block all moving traffic in the middle of the day.

So I decided not to go sign the lease today just in case it was some ridiculous sign from God/it would have made me late to work.

Monday, January 11, 2010

My favorite time of day to drive

My favorite time to drive on the Parkway has got to be 2AM. Very few cars--at least not enough to get in your way/go across lanes of traffic to block you from passing. There's something very soothing about just seeing open road in front of you at night. And 2AM is still sort of early enough to not be tired; although it's almost 5AM now, and I'm still not tired. I wouldn't want to drive now though. We'd be hitting the early-morning traffic soon.

Or maybe I'm a freak. (Or no more Turkish coffee at 11 PM)

I think another overnight road trip is in order to test this theory.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Is it too late to 'pologize?

Hello hello. Again.

Sorry for the extended leave. December was a time for me to become a complete shut-in and study--even if it didn't actually help in the end. I've learned my lesson. Blog first, study later.

And then there was a big break where I didn't really drive a whole lot. Not that it suddenly means I cease to encounter bad drivers. Oh goodness, the holidays are the worst for driving. I swear, it's the crazies that come out around Christmas. I don't know if it's because people have lost all judgement from shopping for hours, or maybe it's that they don't know how to handle increased traffic volumes, or maybe it's that they're not from the area and not "aware" of the "standard" traffic rules. I suppose it would be a mix of all three.

But. This entry is not about holiday crazies.

This entry is about my living situation. You see, for this past semester, I have been living with my parents, which provides a wonderful commute from home to school/work for a total of 2 1/2 hours of driving a day (approximately). Regardless of how often you do it, it gets tiring. You are completely zapped of energy that you need to do other things in your life.

So, I'm moving. (Closer to campus. Like literally, behind campus housing, but in a hey-I'm-a-real-person-type condo.)

Does this mean I will stop having entries? Probably not. I will try to use a bicycle as a primary source of transportation while there, which will without a doubt, bring about some interesting stories. And I will still drive at least once a week up to my parents' house, for those looking for my fun driving rants.

And with that, I think I've wasted enough time today spouting off about how awesome I am.