D-bags of the road: Part 4 - In traffic

Dear persons in lefter lanes,
Please decide you are going to pull into a gas station before you speed past me, brake hard, and then cut me off while I'm getting ready to take an exit.

mkthxbbai.

In other news I apologize to my reader(s??!) that I haven't ranted in a while. I promise I'll come up with bigger and better things this weekend. Without further ado though, let me introduce the d-bags of the road while you're stuck in traffic:

The zipper breaker
You've just gotten out of a toll booth and are facing massive amounts of traffic in front of you. As such, you feel like sheep or cattle being herded forward in various lines that must merge together. Finally, you approach the merge point, and what happens? The zipper breaker scoots on in front of you. What a douche move.

The guy who uses the breakdown lane as his own personal road
He thinks he can get away with using that far right lane to speed ahead of whatever is causing this traffic. Hehe. Let's not tell him about the cop that's up there.

The brake Tourrette's dude
Personally, I try to avoid using my brakes as much as possible when it comes to driving on the highway. Usually, just letting off the gas will slow you down enough. I use this same rule for Mario Kart (also like Mario Kart, I wish there was a star and jump ability in my car). Understandably, you must use your brakes while you're stuck in traffic. But woe to you if you are tapping your brakes 3 times/second in front of me at night. I will stare you down so passive-aggressively that your car may burst into flames in my imagination. Is it just me, or do some cars have EXTRAORDINARILY bright brake lights?

The infinite turn signaler
Okay. That was nice. You signaled to get in your lane. Now please turn it off. Please? This is just as bad as the brakes guy.

The slowest accelerator on the face of the earth
OH MY GOODNESS. YOU HAVE THE ENTIRE ROAD IN FRONT OF YOU TO GO BECAUSE YOU'RE MOVING SO SLOW. NO ONE IN THE OTHER TWO LANES IS SWITCHING OVER. HURRY UP BEFORE IT--...freaking a. The light turned red.